Anatomy of an ER shift

3 pm - wait around for staff to show up

3:30 pm - staff shows up. didn't know you could be so nonpunctual in the ER. guess there's no punch in clock

4:00 - 50 something (or 60???) guy tries to pick me up for a good 5 minutes. says he wants to buy me a BIG steak dinner when i finish medical school. says his mom (who is being looked after in the emerg by the way) has a HUGE house in Goderich where I can set up my basement practice. was playing along, then he asked me for my phone number. WHAT?!?! oh yeah did i mention he is single? i'm sure he did.

5:00 - see a woman who can't breathe. hmmm....try quitting smoking!?!?!

6:00 - see a guy who had a heart attack 2 weeks ago. thinks he's having another

7:00 - see some minor pains, some guy with a kidney stone, some guy with a HUGEASS swollen testicle

8:00 - see that smoking can't breathe woman who's sleeping comfortably on her bed. "Doc says you can go if you can walk around the department without dying"....."OK....zzzzzzzzzzzzz"

9:00 - woman walks around ER in her socks and gown..makes it a good 100 ft before gasping for air, but she says she's good enough to go home. probably to have a smoke

10:00 - don't know what the hell i'm doing. woman is still there

11:00 - watch someone staple a kid's scalp back together. next one is mine he says.